9 Greatest Physical Obstacles That Joggers Face:

Jogging obstaclesIf only we each had a personal running track.

When going for a jog, most of us like to change up our routes from time to time. Doing laps of your nearest field gets boring quickly and there is only so much treadmill running a human can take before they’ve counted every single brick in the walls of their gym.
But beware! Venturing out onto tarmac new brings with it dangers lurking in places you’d never expect. Luckily, we’ve compiled together the top 9 obstacles you might face while out on the road. Keep your eyes peeled.

  1. ConkersConkers
    The horse-chestnut tree, while being a picturesque addition to your local park and fueling you with the fresh air you need, spawns a sea of spherical chaos. Running through your local park in the Autumn is like a scene from a Tom and Jerry cartoon, with Tom desperately trying to keep balance while slipping under a floor of marbles.
    Luckily, the majority of conkers that have fallen overnight will have been collected by small children and conker champions by lunch time.
  2. Dogs on leads
    Never underestimate the speed at which a dog (no matter how small) can change direction. The result can mean one of two outcomes. Either, you’ll have to increase speed to avoid a nip at the ankles (for some reason, like the postman, a jogger is too much temptation to avoid). Or, the lead will create a temporary trip wire that you will have to hurdle to avoid either tripping or breaking the poor dog’s neck.

  3. Cyclists
    The unwritten hierarchy of the road is as follows. Cars, Cyclists, Joggers, Pedestrians. However, cyclists play by their own rules. Pedestrian crossings don’t apply and the path (sidewalk) is a slip road to them. Listen out for the warning ‘Ding Ding’ of the biker bell, which literally translates to ‘You have been given a clear warning of my approach. I will not be held responsible for what happens if you do not move’.

  4. Other runners
    On facing an oncoming runner, perform the following:

    • Establish eye-contact as early as possible.
    • Choose one side of the pavement.
    • Adopt an authoritative stance and do not deviate from your line.

    This will hopefully avoid the dreaded (and embarrassing) ‘you go left, no YOU go left and I’ll go right’ scenario.

  5. Little kids
    Like its canine companion, the human child has an inherent need to chase down a jogger. However, instead of attacking, the child will mimic a jogger’s actions and engage them in a race. Do not be tempted. You have been running at a strict and steady pace and most young children have not yet succumbed to the perils of fast food and cigarettes. You will not win.
  6. PigeonsPigeons
    Be on the lookout for the lonely old man sat on a bench with a loaf of Warburtons in his hand. You might not have spotted it yet, but there’ll be a large group of birds in a feeding frenzy near his feet. Approaching a lone pigeon at jogging pace is no problem. The bird will simply hop quickly around you or fly off in another direction.
    However, when startling a large group of huddled birds, the only direction the birds can go, without bumping in to each other, is up. Right into your face. To avoid a face full of feathers, scream and flap your arms wildly in a movement that is not unlike a pigeon itself. If you’re lucky the birds will spot you in good time.
  7. Cars
    On a serious note, spotting a car emerging from a side road as you run along a pavement can be tricky. Keep your eyes open and check your blind spot (look back at traffic approaching from behind), especially if you are wearing headphones.
    Motorists, like cyclists, are unpredictable and oblivious.
  8. Dog Poo
    Smelly and slippery, canine faeces usually comes in waves (groups of neighboring dogs usually working together to snare oncoming joggers). Cleverly, dogs arrange their mess in strategic positions, roughly one stride-length apart from the other, to trap joggers as they try to weave their way through.
    On spotting a dog defecating your local park, all joggers are obliged to reprimand their owners and report them to their local council.

  9. Tourists
    The ultimate nemesis of any jogger. Tourists have no spacial awareness and are always looking up (at surrounding buildings or monuments) or through the lens of a camera. Coughing loudly isn’t going to work. On spotting a group of tourists, take evasive action immediately. Cross to the other side of the road (if that is an option). However, if your path is single file, there is only one option.
  10. Speed up, charge head first and repeat this phrase…

    Je suis très désolé!

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4 Responses to “9 Greatest Physical Obstacles That Joggers Face:”

  • Phil:

    Tourists are’nt so much of a problem for me so I’d substitute them for fishermen. Not trawlermen, you know, anglers.

    Where do motobility scooters come in the hierarchy of the road?

  • Mobility scooters are an anomaly, as motorists hate them when they travel on the road and pedestrians hate them when they travel on the pavement.

  • Tom:

    Ice Cream vans are always a dangerous obstacle – turning otherwise moving pedestrians into sprawling queues. They also only appear when it’s glorious weather, just when you want to go running. Plus there’s the temptation to stop for a 99 flake…

  • No 2 Dogs on leads are my personal favourite….why cant owners keep them under control and stop the lead taking up the entire path…especially those long extending leads.

    Not sure I would want a personal track would get very dull

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